Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
