Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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