dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
