I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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