Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
