The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
