Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
