you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
