Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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