In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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