my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
