my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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