I got chris browned last night
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
