you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
