i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Boobs speak an international language.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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