You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
