I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
