I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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