look no pants
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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