I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
