I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
