fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
