The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
