Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
