Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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