one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
