Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
