Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
