Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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