There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
