So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
