You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
where are you?
Hypothermia
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
