I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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