I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
