whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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