when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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