Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
