You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
