Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
