everyone is single if you try hard enough
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
