Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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