So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
