I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
