You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am one with the molecules
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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