i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
