why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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