i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
