I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
