My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
