She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
