Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
