Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You dont lie about slip and slides
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
