It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
